Love, Ideals, and Relationships

Hello everyone! I want to switch things up a little bit. Let’s talk!

Feel free to respond to the questions in the comment section and I will post your response to the blog. Thanks!

1. What is an ideal relationship for you?

Author: My ideal relationship consists of 2 people who are open to loving each other fully. In my opinion, an ideal relationship is having a person to experience life with and to explore all of the unknowns because exploring and experiencing life feels different when there is someone who literally loves doing the same thing with you.

Karla F.: From the vantage point of my 71 years, for the long term, what counts is compatibility and support as we grow old, and a willingness to allow our separate interests to flourish.

Carolyn B.: When I came into my 52 year relationship and marriage, I came with a deep rooted love. And everything else followed. Girl, I was in love to the bone and still am. At the beginning of our relationship we each communicated in our own way. You show compassion through lovemaking. Trust is built over time. And if you love each other it’s automatic. Right now, go with your gut feeling. If it is not true, you will know in time.

Life is about true feelings deep inside. You have to be intuitive to you, and then to the person you love. There are so many people who have failed at love because they do not know who they are and if you do not know yourself how are you going to know who to love and if they truly love you? In my relationship, we studied each other by sharing our true selves. Always put love first. Through all the good times and bad; always remember what brought you together and work from love.

Kareen (@calmifyuk): Remembering things change and accepting that as a part of the journey of love. Be grateful and stay curious. Of course, love wins and acceptance. Plus, have no expectations.

2. Has your current or previous relationship changed your ideals?

Author: No, but my previous relationships did influence my hard no’s. (i.e. pessimism, not having a separation of family/friends and our relationship, and not knowing the importance of family)

3. How do your ideals differ from what you grew up thinking?

Author: When I was growing up I wanted to be single and never marry because I did not like the limitations that marriage seemed to put on women, and then I fell in love at 18 and my outlook changed a little. I wanted a partner in life.

Monique: I didn’t have any to be honest. I was very Tom boyish and thought nothing of relationships until around 19ish. And I have kinda been with my (now hubby) on and off since then, with a few hiccups boyfriends in between.

Author: That is totally understandable. LoL!!! Because I never wanted to get married or necessarily be in a committed relationship until I was 18.  I didn’t take relationships seriously, plus I didn’t like the limitations people placed on women in marriages or serious relationships then. I know it all can be whatever the couple decides now.

JD Jenkins: When I was younger I would fall fast and fall hard. Every guy I met I thought “this is it! He’s the one!”After college my mindset completely changed. I’m now a total go with the flow, let him lead type of person. It is what it is. I still do my own thing until we are exclusive. With a title lol. I’m Super lax and it’s what works for me.

Author:  I get it!!! Same here!!!  If I was having fun and you gave me the tingles. Ooo yaasss!!! We were meant to be. Now, aside from this whole committed relationship I’m in , I want someone who makes me feel at ease. Like here’s the key to my heart and I know you are going to do everything in your power to make sure the whole being of me is taken care of.

Kendall: When I was younger I didn’t know anything about “love languages.” Everyone receives/gives love differently, whether it’s gifts, acts of kindness, physical contact (non-sexual), etc. If you truly love someone you need to know their love language. Also, when you’re young it’s hard to see the bad in a person you like/love, but as you get older you pick up on how you want to be treated. Hope this makes sense.

Author: It does make sense. And I totally agree. Knowing what makes someone feel loved changes the game. But, loving someone who knows what it feels like to be loved will make everything that much easier. Thank you for sharing!

Nicole: My ideal growing up was to find someone that was my perfect match and someone who’d take care of me. Fast forward 12 years… My man is not what I thought my perfect match would be. There has never been a couple more OPPOSITE, ever!! (At least that’s what it feels like.) And another thing… He’s imperfect and I learned I am too! And just because we’re complete opposites doesn’t mean we’re not God’s perfect match. We’ve learned to communicate, compromise, and give each other the benefit of the doubt. We’re learning to respect each other’s thoughts and feelings and value them… Honor them, even! And we’ve changed seeing each other as the enemy to being on the same side striving towards each other and fighting for each other instead of against. WOW! A lot has changed for us… In summary… There’s no one person who’s perfect for you. A relationship works because you love each other selflessly and you fight FOR the relationship with one another, no matter what. You don’t give up when it gets hard… you push into God because in our weakness His power is made strong in us!

Forgot to mention the take care of me part. I finally learned it’s not ALL about me!!! I was sexually abused most of my life and I prayed and prayed for a man that would love me and cherish me. So even though I started out really needy, I had to learn it was about losing myself down for my husband too. It costs me doing things I didn’t “sign up for” that came with binding your life with another (projects I never started and would never dream of starting, but he had them going when we got married. His projects became mine. It’s just one example of how you’ve become one… You’re a team!). Hubby helped me see I was just taking and not giving, and that was super humbling. He’s gracious towards me and my situation and he knows I’m in process and I’ve come a long way, but that was one of my very first perspective changes… I can’t just take… I must give too!

Author: Reciprocity, openness, understanding, and humility will get us far with the right person. And being in a relationship is a choice that we have to choose to fight for daily. Bc I know I wake up like do I really want do this sometimes. LoL!!! But, we chose to be here and chose to love each other completely and are truly open to learning each other. I think learning that someone requesting something or asking a question is ok and not being defensive has been one of my growths. But, it’s also about the wording, the timing, and how it’s said. LoL… Because I still have not grown out of cursing people out 

4. How were these ideals influenced by your parent’s relationship? Or relationships?

Author: My parents had a loving relationship even though they were not together. The intimacy that they shared showed me that relationship dynamics are not always simple and can blossom into beautiful friendships. And they showed me that you never have to settle.

5. What compromises have you had to incorporate into your current or previous relationship that challenged your ideals?

Author: Moving to Poland was definitely a compromise, waiting to have a child, and living with someone before marriage or at all (LoL!!!) were a few of my compromises.

6. What conversation would you have with your younger self about relationships?

Author: I would tell my younger self to continue to love openly and freely. And do not be afraid to fall in love because a failed relationship is a lesson for the next one.

I am excited to hear your responses! Talk to you soon:-)

Below you will find different links to the 3 Psychs and A Mic Podcast Episode 64. I feel like they did a great dive into relationship ideals that we grew up with and how they may have affected us later on. Take a listen and let me know what you think!